xmas and what is it?

to me it symbolizes peace,
to me it symbolizes tolerance,
it symbolizes hope, renewal, love.
peculiar how every year xmas means more and more.
i think of Jesus and what his teachings taught.
the patience, the unconditional love and kindness, the warmth.
blindness can come and go
but the awakening of love
is
always reminded to me during xmas.
for all its worth, today is a good day. each day is when connected to such depth.

waves come and go.
can we stop them or manipulate them?
if we try to stop them we can drown in their mercy.
their strength is unparallel.
often they're so strong that they seem magnified and we feel so little,
swimming near this giant sized wave that gushes and roars, and it passes like the storm.
Can we allow it and its force?
Can we surrender and watch,
watch and watch it pass,
like a monster roaring and violently storming every breath in me,
yet i have ease
that there is peace
in the very core, in the very center,
and if im smart enough i can be a surfer
that rides the waves so eloquently,
welcoming the challenge yet knowing how to find the peace.

can we face life's waves like that?
by facing the challenges with enthusiasm and realizing that in every challenge there is a center of being, of freedom, of serenity.

find it. its there deep within. deep within the storms, deep within the surface of waves, deep within our wounds, deep within our pain, deep within. the sun radiates inside, and it sparks a welcoming surprise.
it is warm, it is present, it faces all, it find life to be a present, for everything that isnt love eventually brings us to the deepest blue, the deepest love.

the need to feel heard
the need to be loved
the need to feel understood
the need for empathy
the need for happy
and soft hugs and laughs

but

we experience such the opposite
sometimes.
the other thinking they're the greatest mom or the greatest dad but did they ever ask their child to open up, that they're allowed to speak up, that they are there to listen, and not just to tell us better ways for us to live in this existence,
cos sometimes we care less of what they think we should do,
and care more that they care,
that they empathize,
that they show us their time, their love,
that they hear us out, and allow us
to cry on their shoulder.

when we are suffering its hard to deal with their worries and their emotions, or their outcries of what we should do.
seems too simple but for years it feels like this request is something so impossible, for their defensiveness reacts and then we feel more unheard and we get mad...

and then we go back to the very old ways, letting them talk about them... and saying uhhmm,yeap, ok..

but regardless of how parents act,
they are still beloved, and can we just accept them regardless of these feelings and facts...

??

can we forgive them?
can we forgive within? for it takes two egos to carry on distress and mental anguish
and stress.

can we not take it personal and know this is the capacity in them in how to love? its perhaps what they were taught, that its not this way because of me or because they wanna hurt.


oh

life

is
only bliss when the story in the head is given a break.

no self no suffering

feel the light

everything else is a mask that blinds

but its okay

we appreciate best when we can see the beauty within after taking off the blinders. it all works in unison.

while i have this temporary face may i always express the love i feel for u.
i look at you with my soul, with my heart,and i know in me your heart never parts.
you look at me with this grandness of love,
your wise plentiful soul knows nothing but true love.
in my spirit, in every molecule of me is the knowing that u my heart feels feeedom, feels acceptance, feels delighted, always at ease, for you allow me to be.

we bypass all dramas.
all struggles of the egos
makes no room in our home,
for we only delight ourselves in what truly within is born,
from pure expression,
of divine pulsations from the very heart,
ur eyes shine
so bright.
and i awaken on to you,
you've always inspired me to be true.

such glory in these kind of meetings,where souls can unite without the fuss.. just beings
just beingness and we glow..
together we glow.

2 lovers parted by death



they awakened into eachothers arms from
the bond of death,
from the sad filled faith of losing loved ones in the past.
seeing her mom murdered and his brother killing himself in their wounds,
and only together can they start to heal these disastrous wounds.

Upon falling in love and reaching heartfelt bliss,
she lost her only love
on a sunny morning.
Oh shattering hearts which mend slowly when a surrendered heart moves forward,
sometimes we need to move forward.

but its okay bumblebee for death of the body is just a partial passing.
the soul transcends and passes but to other dimensions even if it is to our mystery of unknown. life's fingerprints are merely the surface of the ice peak. it melts away. all is left is the eternal flame.
feel the heat.
feel the vibration of love.
in the wake of everything
let there be the invitation
of awakening to the profoundness within.
in it there's no goodbyes.
all else is passing and perishable.

Sylvester, you make me smile
I haven't seen your eyes in a while.
You're sweet
you're cute
you have the personality of a cat like no other,
you are like a deva,
a dramatic king,
you make such faces
you walk like you are the king.
the shadows around you are splendid and tall,
you delight others,
you are confident yet warm

and everyday when i see you walking,
or smelling by the trees in my sweet scented jasmine loving garden-
you bring about this happiness in me
you make me smile,
you're charming
you're free

and when i wake and see you fussy
with the other cats
i know its just Sylvester,
and I love you just like that.

Sweet little boy,
sweet little cat
i adore you
i welcome you always
in the warmest
most loving
part
of my
heart.

A great bond

When I was little I used to go to these expensive restaurants with my family when my aunt and uncle from Curacao where staying in their 2nd home on Manhattan. It was fancy.. their apartment, the sofas, the kitchen...

One day we went to this particular restaurant and I saw these funny fish in a tank. They were beautiful. My heart melted when our eyes connected. Then I saw the same waiter grab one of them and took him in the kitchen. I had to follow. I was a curious 10 year old, but I was also wondering about my new friend. My heart crushed and splattered as he put this delightful kind soul into a boiling tank. I heard him crying. I cried and alone I felt.. alone not knowing how to speak out or even share my pain.. my lack of understanding of why these things occured.

I only knew back then how to be a listener. Even as a little child, it was me in a world where everyone was busy, except for my barbies, in which luckily, I had to talk with. Thinking back, everyone did the best they could, and did the best they knew- and they worked two jobs to make it through.. My dad being in the Holocaust and all, had veils of suffering within any hug I don't remember.. And my mom had her sufferings as well.. Trying to gain the material wealth that in her youth she never felt. To her it was a big deal to buy us a coat, but deep down all I wanted was love.

We need to not be in order to be. We need to experience loss in order to appreciate gain. We need to live that in order to surpass it. I wouldn't have the compassion I have today if it weren't for my past, if it weren't for my struggles. To understand another in pain, I feel, at least in my life, it helps when we also endured such pain.

Yet getting back to these gentle fish- my love affair with those sweet loving clawed fish never went away. Later I was told they are called lobsters.

Today at Publix I passed by the same tank I always pass. I kiss them and say a prayer for them. Today when I looked in one of them looked back, bonding with me with the same love and it makes me now cry. It makes me cry to know their fate, and that its due to Human Choices.

Our surface is just content, it's temporary, it's perishable, but our love, our oneness, this bond, this profound connection is eternal.

May I see you dear fish in my dreams and in the stars.

Sometimes it's so sad what things we go through, its so sad and devastating how people just walk by without the need to stop, no looking with compassion or kindness in their eyes, just thoughts of me... and the next thing that needs to be done in an arrogant cry..

I cannot understand the lack of empathy, to such loving creatures that spark out divinity. Magestically they are wise, wise eyes, wise heart. They deserve as much love, as any dog or any cat alike. Also the pigs out there that can't even turn, they are stuck in factories full of poop, full of hatred, because they are manipulated by workers who are there to serve a purpose- to keep an industry that's made of violent acts, there is no consideration, or love or acts, of kindness or understanding- no sense of empathy, no altruism, just madness.

And the cows that are beautiful to hear- a loud moo moo and their tender ears that shoot straight up, when spoken to. I remember Sylvia the cow actually purr when I rubbed her pregnant tummy with all my love.. Such sweet embraces, I remember and do- appreciate all I have been through- to keep me in observance of what is truth. Love.

May we always catch our tendencies and return to the profound caring love that we are. I send all the creatures who suffer- all my love. Choose Love.

And everything that's not love eventually brings us back to LOVE EVEN MORE.