It feels like a re-run, I Get lost, I wake up, I get lost, I wake up again, at least it's better than before where I would be lost again and again. Times are changing, life is asking us to wake up in fast intervals, and it can be very frustrating -this massive awakening, that forces us to finally deal with our wounds, whereas before we tucked it away deep beneath the covers so we won't feel the storm.
But now it's different, everything's changed, things have less meaning, it is essence within that only remains.
I wake up, pack a lunch, but before it all, I feel the love. And if I don't because Im worried, or stressed, or fearful, or lost or hurried, I scan within. I look, I stop, I stop whatever but look within, and watch. I become more accepting of seeing what is. I'm no longer threatened, nor no longer get so mad that Im feeling this tense. I know its not me all these feelings, all these things. I know its just human tendencies, human behaviors, human pain. It's nothing personal, this tension inside the cup. All I can do is bring awareness in and awareness turns into love. When love is in the background of whatever I ever do, everything else melts into the love, it is its origin, it is the only thing that's true. Bring love in, bring it close, feel the aliveness in the hands and even in the feet or just the toes. Feel the tingling and the warmth as both hands almost touch, feel it everywhere and breathe slow, don't worry, all this is a show. Come back to love, its okay, to come back home.

New day and new ways of spending it. Things seem to have a different perspective when the day involves going to a funeral. Gosh, how we take people for granted sometimes. One day unexpectedly they go. Sometimes the only goodbye we have is seeing their body passing by in a casket with designs, that are filled with religious symbols, if that.. But today he soul was alive as day and amazed I felt her as I prayed. Oh the tears and fears and sadness and years of remembering her face, the cute and happy one that brought us smiles and cookies, Oh.. we embraced
her fully and now swept away to our unknown, a mysterious peek of nature while we slowly mourn. For some of us the afterdeath is not even a mystery for we lived it ourselves, if only but for a glimpse until our soul knew we had to come back to this shell, this body, this instrument, that's handy, this vehicle that can love, that can hate, that can stunn humanity at whole, from good to bad to none- our actions of many, can inspire, transform, or cause petty. Our actions can be kind, or malcicious, or bind us to tormented habits that wastes a precious moment, because of rage.
But when a passing like this comes to our life, we start to wonder how sacred is life. We start instrospecting and discover new ways to be more patient, to have more fun and play.
In the end we are not our habits or what we do, they are just experiences that could potentially possess us if we're not centered and true to our connection to our deeper being. When this light is felt, all else is transient, and meedleling.. Im making up that word, to me it means "back and forth". Duality is ongoing and unstable, but there's something deeper thats not. My friend is feeling this divinity now as we speak, her soul has been lifted, her light is all she can be. She probably is near her daughter

from tragedy to peace

Its amazing to hear how there were some people in the concentration camps who completely got in touch with peace in the midst of hell. As I was listening to Eckhart he mentioned how Jesus did the same thing. How inspiring that if others can completely go deeply within, we can too. Some traumas are unbearable, truly unbearable, and then things keep happening to bring out the tragedy more and more, in different ways, unexpectedly, and each time its so, we fall... deep into that hole. But Im finding myself coming out,lifting myself up from the ground, and I guess in each challenge that arises, a fruitfilled lesson is here in disguises, that asks us to live, and surrender to the past, and be, the life we really are. We are not the story, but this magical star, this bright filled star that lights the room and heart. Everything on the surface seems like its so important, it beams
for our attention, extremes of
unaffection or severe
culminations of fear and violations of space and respect- the exterior can be such a threat.
Our safety can be in despair, we can lose trust, our body, or be without air.
What can happen on the surface can be truly insane,
but what if it is all a play, & we are actors today, could we take life less seriously and play? & if we lose to monopoly we still feel okay.
All that's forever is the inside of the heart, that warm loving feeling, that helps us to laugh, the sweet love w/in that gives us a glow, the kindness within, the spark, the old friend that looks at us softly, w/compassion, & warmly reminds us its all okay, when we're suffering on a particular day. Its that gentle soul within, that knows nothing more than surrendering and saying yes to what is now & making the most of it somehow.
Can we truly come back home (regardless of the hurt)?
Hurt eases when the story ceases.

bits from Eckhart Tolle

the root of suffering

when we see someone thru mind actvity, trapped into reducing someone into a mind object, even if that mind object is merely a woman, separate from me. Deny thyself stated by Jesus, dissolve thyself, in order to reduce the story of the head, otherwise we have to always add to ourselves, better teacher, a doctor, own a facility, father,
smart, spiritual.... we are already in our fullness but its obscured by needing mind structures. all that is needed is allowing this moment to be as it is. the now takes many forms, forms may dissolve. become aware. people think now is what happens but what happens changes continously. now is the vast spaciousness in which everything unfolds. futility and madness of no eventually brings us to a yes when the suffering forces us to surrender. yes, this is going on, this person, this emotion, a thought, event, a breakdown, if theres a no, it strengthens form identity-the ME. With a yes, the openess comes, and a miracle happens and you no longer react to the form of what is. and stepping out of 100000 of years of mind patterns. for some it takes something so painful, that theres surrender, others encounter tremendous suffering and dont say yes. but we dont have to wait for disaster, for the yes can at this moment for whatever appears. ego is never aligned with life.

my story, my relationships...my experiences... dont look for who i am in the content. i am not complete in the content of the mind. desire,craving,or thirst,wanting,needing because we are looking for ourselves in realm of content with eating or sexuality, unconscious impulse.. its not really the content but were looking for ourself, running this civilizations, clothing,money, relationships, looking for a long time.. but suddenly comes the realization.. the lack is there, the fear is there.

dear butterfly

Dear butterfly, I found u on the ground. The remains of ur wings in pieces on the ground not yet collecting dust for your soul freshly departed from this body (I hold now in my left hand). As I write I feel. My heart feels you near. My heart sends your love. My heart mourns your loss yet I know you don't (mourn). Though as beautiful as it is, these wings had a purpose, and now they're free to collect in the surface, of earth, and break free like all things are meant to be.Particle by particle, the dust that in time will be these wings, never you, for the wings were not you, but your vehicle. and you used your vehicle quite well. You started out embedded in the earth eating leaves until they were free of leaves and bare. Good appetite you had so you can mature and swivel yourself into a cocoon for what seems like a long time. when it was time to come out, you struggled,but you took your time. you struggled as you needed to do. They say butterflies who have never struggled at 1St never end up making it past the nest but you did. You faced the challenge, you persevered and thru patience the time came near and you broke free and wandered endessly thru the breeze, beyond the trees. You fed for a while and then you danced again with the wind as your partner and friend. You flowed with ease. Many became inspired just by glancing at you. You never had to try to be your best,just the nature of your free spirit showed the rest how to live life free, without entertaining a thought for its never really more important than living life lightly. Now you've departed fro
this shell and gently you're reminding me to live as if noone else, is watching or judging outloud, that's their stuff. Can I be free?
That's eventually perhaps what we're all meant to be.

Human BEINGS.
Are our actions based on the human tendencies in which come about or do our actions arise from that higher purpose,from our deep essence of beingness? That is indeed a question to ask oneself at each given minute, at each waking moment one is offered the ultimate choice, and sometimes how we choose carry much baggage of consequences afterwards. However let us not concentrate on the malactions of others for they know not what they do sometimes, as Jesus put it politely. We are all human beings & carry many similar human temptations and tendencies- one way or the other.
Let us just be inspired and choose. Which part of me will be the captain of this ship? The intellect, the senses, the fears, the emotions, the desires, the attachment, the jealousy, the greed, the insecurities, the selfishness, and all those other tendencies that go in that category of human tendencies? OR do we choose beingness, the core of our ship, the center, the forever circle of ilumination that completes us, that embodies us with who we really are (if we can even silence everything else to connect to this plane of consciousness that is so warm, so loving, so generous, so forgiving,so centered, so kind, so patient, such life). Such aliveness in every moment of the day, sometimes we get glimpses of it and when we do everything becomes okay. Like when we go mountain climbing and the need to focus is so strong that we automatically silence everything else, and the day becomes so vibrant, so full of life, every leaf has a new spark, the day becomes more than a day,it becomes a work of conscious art. Or when we see a new baby for the 1st time and our heart starts to warm up with such love that is so kind. We get glimpses of beingness everyday when we do something joyous, caring, when we are conscious w/ our actions,

Only this moment exists. in the future that moment will be all that exists but are we here, or are we there, there because this moment is not good, not good enough. but in the alertness of this moment, we may feel contraction and tension in certain places which may make us not want to face it but if we are brave to confront and observe it, embrace it we also feel the depth of aliveness that is available at this moment. in this aliveness of inner body there is such peace, there is such sunlight, there is a dimension of infinite, of bliss. and naturally without effort, tension from the surface melts into the love from within, and we sigh with relief. it is such an exhale of peace and letting go.

While in nature, we may notice the peace and stillness here. its very helpful to be in a place of stillness, instead of being bombarded by things all the time. sometimes were so used to noise that in nature we look for noise.. trapped in mind hence stillness is unbearable. or nature lovers that seek to identify every species,etc.. can we just notice that dimension of presence, and in that moment there is no movement of thought. that direction of consciousness is arising.

got tips and bits while listening to Eckhart Tolle