My heart accompanies you

 A note to self

'My heart accompanies you'

I used these words today for my friend
Yet I see these words deserve them
To be used for myself as well

And so I will

My heart accompanies you
I know sometimes it doesn't
I know sometimes that my actions don't show
The kindness that deserves to flow
Within my path

I know that habits sometimes are stronger
Than my perseverance
My will sometimes becomes faded
My time sometimes becomes jaded

A feeling of 'I can't' uphold subconscious streams
While cries and screams try to climb out of these prison beams
My cat cries perhaps he hears mine
My heart heartbroken with life

The mind is definitely a winded channel
It seems we must figure out what is hoax and what to rattle

I rattle the lies that started when I was young
Being told 'this and that' helped them feel strong

We can go beyond whatever measure within our restrictions
If we can only first see the lies that are imprinted within the structure of our visions

An innocent child starts out life sometimes with curiosity and eyes full of life
But sometimes the darkness preys and gazes upon the light
It manipulates and brainwashes, and always for control
And the innocent child now sees life as the other's creation created its unfold

Years later
Pain later
And lots of confusion

Stuck feelings
Stuck being
And stuck within illusions

We get mad at ourselves because we're not efficient with our time
But when we think about it wisely
We are just healing as best as we could ever have realized

Healing is a day to day journey it helps to be compassionate
Slowly things become more clear
as we fill ourselves with love and kindness

No longer do we choose patterns that reflect upon our past
Probably because we've been there.. done that..  

Far too many times.. perhaps

It's a new moment
What can I do now
I can change the sails
And see a new horizon with oceans of a clear blue

But somedays the rain become louder than pain
And it's good, it's a good distraction so that I can feel less pain today

Everyday is a struggle in a tortured heart
Until the torture is cared for by a beloved heart
And so I look within and see the traumas inside of me
And give it the kindness that it deserves to see


Dear body within I choose to be your friend
I know it's hard for you to trust

Yet you still let my heart go in

Dear body within I'm sorry that I don't know how to self love
The way you need right now
I might need your guidance and I hope you remind me with a tug or two somehow
I may need a boost or a help
I'm so used to spending my life loving everyone else

But truly I want to be your best friend dear body within
You went thru enough misery to deserve even more from me

So now I get up because I know I can
May depression kiss my ass
Because I'm ready to heal the pain

I know it takes courage to not resist the walls within
But how can I heal the wounds when I just want to cover it, and bury it in

Little by little the shattered pieces...
I continue to pick them up
It's a moment to moment thing 

this life... these thoughts...

Even if the courage takes years
I'm willing to act patiently
Some people really did a number on me
You would think old men wouldn't want to touch little girls sexually

Many years later
I realize
This world has 2 trees
One that you want to hug
And the other one that bites because snakes live in it constantly

It's ok
It just takes more mindfulness to know what we can trust
But I'm learning the wisest thing is the thing that comes from our  own deepest love

Everyday
Is a journey
The lack of love we have felt
Eventually does surface out thru our pores
And little by little we face it as best as we can,
While giving it our all, while giving it our best

We fall
We get
Up
And again we fall

We learn to get up better
We learn to stay up longer
Even though we still often fall

Meditation has been a saving grace
Even though it takes bravery to sit with the pain we often never want to face

It takes friendship to mend a broken heart
And when we can be a best friend to ourselves
What a pretty start
Well may not be pretty all the time
It's like learning to drive a stick
Change is sometimes difficult
The car suddenly keeps stopping
Each time we shift

But life is like that
Even if things start clumsily
May we keep going

WE ARE WORTH IT!!
And even though we may have been told by many others
We weren't, they DIDN'T know shit!!

We ARE special
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We say it loud
And after a while of convincing ourselves
Perhaps we actually believe it, if we allow

Oh dear God
Please help me accommodate my pain
May my heart accompany each cry
May my mind be ready to shed rain 
Of how lost souls used me for their gain
I choose to go beyond it
I choose God
I choose faith

I choose God
I choose faith

I choose God
I choose faith