Acceptance

 In a time where red becomes pink

And brass becomes rusty

The worn and the shedding of life 

Thru time

And thru the aches that delve deep within existence

Oh why, do we have to bear the thickening of darkness

Oh why, when one moment things are well another moment bears its contrast

Oh why, does the delicate form of nature often  allow streams to plummet into a gush of despair 

And then other times, out of nowhere, the fragrant scent of flowers high up in the trees.. and while sometimes though we cannot even see the flowers, we know they are there as the scented lush is everywhere

A person can share from such depths within their heart and another moment this protective mold takes over and the bond deteriorates

There is no consistencies within the grasping we plague ourselves with

But long behold, just when things feel really low, a good heart comes along

And reminds us of the good, that life is not just bad

In this world there is good and there is bad

In this world there is kindness and there is the everything that is not (kindness)

But most importantly,  can we be kind, even, and especially, to the parts within, that struggles most

Can we be gentle with the rage of disappointment inside

Can we tune in to the sorrow that dwells so deep within that we often create narrow tunnels and barbed wires to keep it shut

Can we place our hearts to the temporary that has become our personality and identity

Our inner child that seeks love and reassurance- Can we be that parent we sought in another

Can we accept the parts of ourselves that we are not proud of

Can we hold love to the every aspects within

And not just be a human but be a human being

A being of light

Beings of light

Co creators within God space

Oneness of truth

May nothing ever be more important than our origin and masterpiece

As nothing can ever destroy our light

Within this temporary place

We find our forever space

Our beingness within our human being

And the word namaste takes on a new meaning

THE LIGHT IN ME SEES THE LIGHT IN YOU.

THE LIGHT IN YOU SEES THE LIGHT IN ME.

And in this new moment we are within connection or not

In this new moment we are here or we are not

Our mind is there or is it here

A new moment calls for acceptance

And when we are ready, and we start within, the flower blooms, a like to the beams of the sun, so expansive, it fills the whole world with her glory

Bloom flowers

May you continue to bloom

Freedom

 Freedom is right Here. Within it all. Not by spiritually bypassing all the bad to get to the good... but by navigating thru it all and going beyond it all. Moment by moment.  Learning more and more to be my best friend Ever. To bring a space of presence and compassion to every wound, hurt, sorrow, despair, anger.. within. Lost and found. Sinner and saint. Within and throughout. And the God space.. or essence.. of light or oneness or whatever the name but still the same truth that radiates. A butterfly flies when its light enough to. No longer held by the weighted chains. .. one moment at a time.

The screams from the soul

The pain buried while we're hurried 

With life somehow


It all seems okay until we can no longer hurry life enough

Because the pain is greater than anything else


Satisfaction is no longer satisfaction 

Distractions no longer give the necessary distraction  to take away the hole from the heart's greatest wounds


The heart

Is there deep within.

Before it was nice to help the world

It softened the heart many times

But getting really sick and getting really stuck within grief and pain definitely is a true confirmation of who the truest friends are and who the truest friends aren't 

So the cries

Continue

Mostly alone 

The bed seems to have glue

I can't seem to get off of it

But I can

But I can't

But I have to

Even if I must

But there is no urgency yet

But there should be

Deep down I hope there would be 

Maybe soon 

The willingness has to be stronger

Than the feeling of stuck 

Why

Why

Why is it so hard these days 

Please dear God 

I know I got this

I can do this

I can I can I can I can

(While I nod no) 

Maybe will believe it soon

(Trying to) Make peace with this world

 (Trying to) Make peace with this world


There is cruelty as there is kindness
This world has both of them
And it's not shy of showing it, sometimes

This world can be unpredictable and can also be prejudiced
This world can be insensitive and can also be mean

And then a kind heart arrives and reminds us back it is not all bad
Sometimes there is good, not just bad

But how can a person be a sinner and a saint
How can we ourselves give in to temptations that may not feel kind, whether in how we treat ourselves or others.
Sometimes not kind is a word too nice.. to describe the things we may do, or the things others do.

Many wish to create a certain image.. a certain reputation.. and they may be willing to lie.. deceive.. and hurt.. in order to  keep that image 'pure'

But what is pure and what is authentic.
Do we seek a mental image or do we seek authenticity?

Many live in hurt from all the hurt that has hurt their wounds
They perceive this world as unsafe, as untrustworthy

And maybe after years and lifetimes we come to a genuine understanding

That this cycle is a cycle.

And eventually every fire eventually burns out

No reasoning or logic can heal a tortured heart

Perhaps rather, our feelings and trauma eventually come back to a heart beyond human

Love is beyond human

The love in which all love is available to love carries within a definition that may feel more infinite versus finite.

Humanity feels cursed, yet perhaps
We're meant to understand humanity and its violence and its failures as well as its virtues and strengths.

Can we ever make peace with it?
Can we ever realize people will hate and people will love
There are consequences to hating, and many jails exist
So many jails exist
So many victims exist

We react
We react
I win you lose
I lose you win
But we
Isn't there an integration?
Aren't we from the same tree?
No, no way, we think of some and their evil ways..

There are so many layers
So many layers
So many personalitiesZ
So many illnesses
So many situations that are unforgivable

Bitter heart
Cries
And screams

Eventually the fire burns out outside
Eventually we're ready to extinguish the fire inside too


Time is time
Readiness is readiness

True justice is finding our freedom
And not getting completely taken by this humanity that at times is often calculated and flawed.

Empty awareness
Angelic flight
The density lessens
The butterfly is light enough to fly again now
It's been too long
It's been too long. 

When I forgive

When I forgive the other I forgive myself. 

When I forgive myself I forgive the other. 

My wish

To go beyond habit.. addiction.. mental agony.. and beliefs that are self sabotaging, IS courage. May we wear our truth well, knowing we deserve that which is beyond these limited traits that try to take over our soul. May we not let it!! May we know our worth, even if we have to at whatever age, and grow those seeds of truth from scratch. May we unlearn every lie and may we learn again to fly. That is my wish for us all!!!!

The disease can lie -mental health

 I just heard about how Naomi Judd recently died and saw the interview her daughter felt the need to have to do. Her daughter mentioned that even though it was too soon after her mother's death to have an interview like this, she and her family felt they needed to speak, so at least, the public can hear from her first and foremost (as she was speaking in behalf of the family) and not from others, as sadly the story will come out one way or another. So I gathered from what she said how there was who Naomi was and there was also what the disease was. And how sometimes the disease makes people do what they do. I believe she said something along the lines of how the disease makes one feel unworthy, and how the disease makes one feel lots of things that are not true. 

It's really sad when we allow 'the disease'  of mental health to make the decisions of what to do with our lives and with our bodies. A decision can be staying in bed all day because we don't think we can do anything productive. A decision can be to grab a knife and end it all because it's not worth it, because we're not worth it. Or a decision can be anything in between. The sad part is when we believe it. The sad part is when we believe we deserve anything absent from kindness. The sad part is sometimes perhaps we were taught at an early age that we were not good or we were not this or we were not that and that sometimes it stuck. The sad part is to believe lies. And act on it. The sad part is when we feel alone because we think others don't care, when indeed may be certain others do. 

Sometimes the "disease" really pretends to be us, yet it is based many times on past trauma and beliefs, rather misbeliefs, portrayed to be true, yet are nothing of the sort. 

To move beyond mountains is to sometimes move beyond a state of mind that can be so self harming. Some people are so good at being the narcissistic type, the one to abuse and manipulate another person for self gratification. Yet other people may have gotten really good at believing lies that they are not good, that they are not strong, that they are not smart, that they are not worthy, that they can't, that they can't, that there is no hope, that they will continue to fail. And it feels as if they are (or the disease rather) abusive to themselves. 

Naomi Judd, I'm so sorry for your pain. 

Naomi Judd, I'm so sorry you felt you needed to take your life. 

Thank you for your music, your heart, and the teachings you are reminding us today. 

I am reminded to not believe the "disease". 

I sometimes do believe the "disease".

I pray for everyone going thru mental health issues. 

I pray for all of us going thru suffering of any kind. 

I pray we look outside the box.

Sometimes the answer is not within our habits or beliefs (as many beliefs are often jaded)

We can!

We can!!

We can!!!

We can

Master 

Our thoughts.

One moment at a time

Lies the opportunity for new habits 

And ways to do things differently

So we can trust ourselves more.

We may feel a sense of accomplishment because we DID this today..

We may feel another sense of accomplishment because we did that today...

We may feel bad because we went back to old habits again...

We may self sabotage....

And after some months get back again and treat ourselves well again...

And then maybe after some months, we may get stuck upon old ways again..making us lose trust in ourselves again..feeling overwhelmed with life again..

Maybe

Hopefully

We come to a point 

That we become honest with ourselves and understand that regardless REGARDLESS if we accomplished this... or that...

Or if we did not accomplish this.. or that..

That we are still worthy of love 

It almost feels like "the disease" or rather (to me it feels like) the traumas growing up made us believe that to be loved, we needed to be this way or that way..etc..etc..

But who is to say..

What if... 

What if....

What if.... we could be open to the notion that we are LOVED, regardless (REGARDLESS) if we accomplish this/that or whether we don't. 

What if... what if... we can be open to the idea of loving ourselves unconditionally just like we always wanted others to love us unconditionally. Perhaps we always wanted others to accept us as we are (instead of criticize, or control us to be what they want us to be, etc). Perhaps we always wanted others to respect us (our autonomy, our wishes, our rights, our space). But what if everything we have been taught out there is a reminder to love ourselves and accept ourselves and respect ourselves in ways that we deserve. And instead of depending on others to love and accept and respect us, we choose to step into that role ourselves. 

But then comes the "disease". The habits are strong and the tendencies are deep. The root of this spineless tree needs an axe or two, or rather 10, and many years of breaking it into extinction. Can the "disease" ever be broken into extinction?

May we look within to the pain that perhaps has felt silenced within 

May we look within to the cries that have felt unnoticed and invalidated

May we look within and let our body teach us what it needs

May we look within and call the "disease" a different name

There once was a time this little child, strong and curious, met the fury of the world. This child no longer saw himself or herself as strong and curious anymore. 

Everytime another beating took place (whether the beating was emotional, mental, physical, sexual, etc) the child became more confused. The child had to create some kinds of beliefs. Perhaps the child thought there was something wrong with him or her, otherwise why would anyone do something so hurtful.. the reasonings turned into beliefs.. one by one.. the beliefs turned into a disease... one by one..

Sometimes its not what we do but the peace within what we do

Sometimes before feeling able to accomplish whatever we want to accomplish..

 whatever tasks

Or whatever desire we seek...

Maybe we can first focus on the foundation.

Maybe our soul really needs our heart to open up to whatever we can or whatever we can't  (as maybe in the moment we may feel we can't because we are struggling with something in particular). 

We sometimes are hard on ourselves

We want to be able to do a,b, and c yet "the disease" keeps us stuck it seems. 

So maybe instead of the "disease" being the enemy,

Maybe we can see it

As the part of us, deep within, that felt alone and scared, as a child, perhaps.

Maybe

We are not who we think we are

In truth

We are so much more than that

Please God

Help me 

Help us

Find our way

To truth.

Let us not be tempted by the addictions we've created and in the beliefs that sometimes feel (that is bigger than anything we could ever think ourselves to be)

What we think ourselves to be may not be who we are

May our exploration continue

But 

Let us not stay too long amongst lies